See my other fun ebay auctions, please. THX. http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZluxxcorp

I ran this through my Psycho-Tronic Translator and it still came out as gibberish. *shrug*

Try the "insane babble" setting.

I think I'll de- and then re-construct a new "77 Silicon Strip" online comic book.

Setting and characters in search of a storyboard artist/PhotoshopWizard/Flash-Head

Setting:

Present day: Way off North of the Seychelle Islands in the South Pacific there is an island paradise awaiting you. Port Alfred rests in back of the hidden cove where sweetness and light reign o'er the land. Until I moved in. I brought some of my fun friends and aquaintances with me. Here, let me introduce you to the...

Supporting Characters:

E-Pro & Turbo:

Fast computer twins. see: X-Files > William "Just Plain Bill" Gibson's psyberpunk episode. Except they look like those twin sister/models from American Idol & Maxim > One's skill is exponential. The other's? Logrythmic!
(We're waiting for the next upgrade. SSHHHH! Don't tell them.)
Real power to sway men's minds, if you know what I mean. And a lot more women than you'd, probably, think. Someone should run a check. Where's our Kinsey? I, myself, am about a 2 or 3.
{FUN FACT 1: E-PRO is, actually, the title of a Beck hit.}

Prof. Kunstler-Kinsey:

Should I go here with all the sex baggage? M or F? What's the nickname?
{FUN FACT 2: Counselor Kunstler = Bigfoot ACLU lawyer/prof. bigshot. Will I need him if I go here? People get more pissed over sex than violence. I can't see it from their POV. GrahdznjiiveKinsey = Egghead statistician with a sex bent. Free Love, too. Lead to "The Harrid Experiment" and so forth.}

Prof. Sigue:

Typical Mad Scientist with crazy ideas about cloning. Except when you consider his personal and historical contexts. You see, as a child, he was left and forgotten in a certain Baltic country's "Sanitarium" for political prisoners, circa 1964. His entire family were arrested for treason due to his father's snide & spitting remarks, vis-a-vis the Man, "Iron Grahdznjiive" < (ed. note: I'll finesse that, later, but it'll stay mostly consonants. When you say it your face should look as if you're trying to hold back a sneeze. Yeah, that's it. His name sounds like a multi-syllablablic sneeze.) There, at Bsrjyurui #2, he was taken in hand by an odd offshoot of a long-dead Order of Benedictine nuns that inhabited an ancient convent therein on the grounds. The horrors. You have no idea. At age 16 he was given the boot and with his COBOL certification, enrolled in...yeah, you guessed it, Miskatonic U. (Eastern Europe Campus), or, as we sneeringly call it, A & M, (Agricultural & Mechanical) Dropped out of sight one semester before graduating. (Not really a Professor) Has insomnia and a tendancy to tweak when he gets the Yip-Yips. Member: Fraternal Order of Odd Fellows
{FUN FACT 2.5: Sigue Sigue Sputnik (means Burning/Crashing Satellite in Russian slang) is a one-hit wonder with "F-111 Love Song"}

Punch:

Sigue's guinea pig/henchman in red. No back-story for him. Dead Man Walking. Moving on to...Ok. Ok. He's, possibly, gay and has an expired Musicians Union Guild Card in his wallet. He's done a lot of weddings. Maybe yours.
{FUN FACT 2.75: There is, in reality, nothing funny about death.}

Meredith:

Punch's battered wife. She's too afraid to do much of anything. The only character that has our deepest sympathies. Truly a seriously bad situation no levity will ever be brought to.
{FUN FACT 2.75: Nothing funny here either move along now.}

Guero:

Che Gueverra-type/Arab-in-the-street, a real gangsta, regal, but with a bit of pimpery about him, though, and that's unfortunate. A cream-puff inside - aching to trust someone in order to love them/her. Or...is it something else? Drives a diesal van. Both Prof.'s go-to guy. Helps the poor by paying them off with money in exchange for their gratiude and minor adulation. "Virtue has it's own rewards...and all that sh!t" (laughs), A, potentially, quite menacing character. You would be much better off not coming onto this guy's radar. Member: OG (Original Gangster): One 10 Killaz, Honorary OG: White Fence, see: Ice-T in Johnny Mnemonic or that guy from Black Flag with some make-up and appliances.
{FUN FACT 2.85 Guero is another Beck hit, as well as referencing the first two lines of lyrics from Bowie's "Panic In Detroit"}

Archie:

One Word - Cheney, Dick - City Councilman/Church Elder, bankrolls his partner, Guero, in the electronic pirating game, 3rd degree, 10th level (blue) Mason. This guy's kinda iffy. Smooth as silk but don't trust 'im. Trying to shut down Prof. Kunstler-Kinsey's unethical and immoral, if not illegal, network operations in the exurbs. Mostly web-based and porn-related.
{FUN FACT 2.95 Definitely not Riverdale Archie.}

And lurking, always lurking, in the background, just out of sight, always watching, judging you are:

Dump:

Gulf War II veteren suffering from HEAP, Hueristic Energy Algorythim (Positive), He's like a troll that lives down by the riverside Wal-Mart parking lot in a tricked-out Winnebago, called "The Enterprise". He's like the bodyguard in "My Bodyguard." All the lights aren't on upstairs in his head, though. The Veteren's Admin. suggested he try some SSSSS, (Super Secret Silver Soldier Serum) for his headaches. Ooops. Sorry. No. You can't sue us. We're the goddam gub'ment, fer chrissake. Now, look, stop all this crying. You're embarressing me. Snap out of it, man. Look, we have something for you in Iraq we'd like you to...Where do you think you're going? Hey! Come back here! Security!
Member: Veterens of Foreign Wars, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Columbia CD Club
{FUN FACT 2.99: Dump is based on The Heap And The Thing.}

TOKA:

a TIKI spirit, (Secret ID > Big Hawaiian named Kelvin) He dosen't say a word the entire run but you can tell by the look drawn on his face..you can, actually, discern the wheels turning in his head and what his thoughts are. You could say he wears his heart on his sleeve. Another creme-puff who looks like he could snap your neck like a pencil. see; Beach Party... Whatever, I'm thinking more "Spirited Away"
{FUN FACT 3: Tiki art is so five minutes ago}
{FUN FACT 3.5: That's right. We were all wrong. God is actually Gods and they live on islands in the South Seas. So what? Wouldn't you if you were a God? The entire world agrees! Tahiti is Paradise or Heaven on Earth. I, however, personally, must disagree. Check out the Seychelle Islands. That's where we find:

Silicon Surfer:

(no "The" in front.) Espiritu Huevo Machina - nicknamed, a la Shatner, "KKKHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAANNN" (Secret ID > Big Philipino surfer named AMP but everyone teases and calls him Tiki and that's terrible. He hates that like Benny Siegal hated the nickname Bugsy. Let's just say he won't kill you if you call him that.) see: TOKA: JUNGLE KING from Dell Comics (minus the caveman attire) and any tubular Pacific coastline.
{FUN FACTS FOUR would make a nice title for something referencing Fact Sheet Five or Fax Sheet Five. Now that's alliteration.}

(Toka & Tiki are like unto opposite ends of a magnet. One keeps the forces of ennui at bay. The other parties too much. Guess which one.)

{FUN FACT 4.2: Sorry. I 'm reordering more now. Care to get on the waiting list?}

"Crazy Uncle" Sam:

The American spirit as portrayed by James Montgomery Flagg.
{FUN FACT 4.4 There's one at every wedding.}

Mr. Atomic Bomb:

Just what it says.
{FUN FACT 4.6 Nothing funny here, either, move along now.}

Pradip:

Tech support in Bangalore, Mumbai and ? I'll give him a much longer name, later, after we ask the important question, "How is the weather, there, in India? Read > Simpsons
{FUN FACTS FIVE is a cool name, too.}

Holly Camfield

is/are clones A - E, Wife, Mother, Secretary, Nurse, Airline Stewardess - Good for gratuitus GGA/BGA pin-ups, (Good/Bad Girl Art) Y'know, that whole Madonna, whore dichotomy problem men have.
{FUN FACT 6: Sorry. All out. I 'm reordering more now. Care to get on the waiting list?}

Pachinko & D'Onofree

are in heat. That's what we call it, anyway. They're mutated, (not mutant, I don't want to step on any toes) clones. We leave them alone, for now, in their tanks. One up in the attic and the other down in the basement. Can't be too careful around those two when they're in heat. You have no idea. They're well taken care of, though, and will be back in action around ish #3 or 4. (Laughin' Louie Luxxcorp)
{Thank God for our shipping and handling infrastructure, just-in-time supply and distribution networks and especially, God love 'em, our fabulous trucking industry because FUN FACTS ARE BACK AND YOU CAN ONLY GET 'EM HERE!
FUN FACT 7: This hideous creepiness was inspired by...Lovecraft,...(I wonder if he matriculated into hell.)...brought to you by...The Pilgrims, bless their wretched souls.}

Ochiltree Jark

Dump's drinkin' and smokin' buddy/sidekick. A crime-scene clean-up creep from the Jersey Pine Barrows with too many secrets. What are they? Should you care?
{FUN FACT 8: These guys make a ton of money with their virtual monopoly of each municipality's police business. They can charge, almost, whatever they want. Who else is the city going to get to clean up these unfortunate messes? HAZMAT? They've got bigger problems to deal with.} Marvel should bring Peter Lorre back from the dead? He'd be perfect. Who is our generation's Peter Lorre? Paul Reubens a.k.a. Pee-Wee Herman? They broke the mold when they made Peter Lorre. Him and Rondo Hatton. Is that banjo kid from "Deliverance" still around? He'd be grown up by now, right? Is Eminem available? He's got that blank psycho stare down pat. Check his schedule.
{FUN FACT 8.5: Rondo Hatton was a born and raised Tampan. That's where I am, now. Tampa. What were you thinking? Well, there's also that unfortunate incident involving Pee-Wee in nearby Sarasota. I'll leave it there.}

EGG:

ElectroGlandularGermination - (More scientific gibberish explaining the phenomonon of intersticial "Easter Egg" manifestations > They really do look like Easter eggs, only smaller. They randomly phase in and out of existence and if you catch one and hold it for a while it's like winning the Cosmic Lottery, superpower-wise. It's how people start their own Superhero franchises. It hurts like hell for months and you live in pain for most of the rest of your life but it's worth it, right? RIGHT?
FUN FACT 9:(Hmmm. Sounds kinda dodgey. Better bring in Dewey, Cheatham & Howe on this. And lose these DUMB FUN FACTS. It's costing to much. Get me some FAKE FACTS, instead.)

Mulchrome Ditweiller

(Suave lawyer - swims with sharks - will take any case and a lot of your money)

Nyland Ashpital

(Asshole Office Manager, Lead accountant for Prof. Kunstler-Kinsey, a complete jerk, you know the type, but he gets the job done, dammit, we need him. He keeps things running smoothly.)

"Poke-Nose" Hohoff

(Sleazy paparazzi - he delivers the dirt and gets assaulted every now and again. He has a nose like a toy squash from it being broken so often. Complete strangers have been known to walk up to him and punch him, always going right for that mangled turnip of a nose. He's got the money, so, why dosen't he just get it fixed? Maybe he did and it was a botched op. Maybe he's proud of it. Yeah, that's it, it's his avatar and stationary logo, "Sniffin' 'Em Out For Over 20 Years". One of these times he'll go too far and we'll find him strung-up from the lamp post across from Mann's Chinese Theatre, gutted.)

Judge Fishkins Dollerhide

(Eccentric, to say the least. (He's not a Judge, anymore.) If your standing before him, don't say anything. I mean it, just keep your yap shut. That's one of the things the lawyers are there for.)

Pfaf Hufnagel

(Prof. Kunstler-Kinsey's Kooky Kook - He's Norwegian. No one understands a word he speaks. see: Chef Lars from Sesame St.)

Hutchcock McDolphus

(Scottish clan hooligan and his crew of miscreant thugs and malcontented goons. Arsenal or Manchester United? No one understands a word they speak, either.)

Mr. Czescziczki

(Squeaky and obsequious little cretin. Can be infuriatingly patronizing, too.)

They'll have dialogue like: "...or I'll be forced to open up "The Big Book of Maladicta" on your sorry, stinkin'...(and then proceed to unleash such a stream of invective that you can, actually, see it hanging there, in the air, like black vapors."

Real noir.

Or the Anti-Hero sez: "..or I'll be forced to unleash the power of the world's mightiest weapon of mass destruction:
The 5th amendment. Or is it the 1st? I always forget. And this weapons software I got...What do you run? Yeah. I had to upgrade. I couldn't...Hey! Come back here! You're under arrest! Goddam Microsoft. How do I get these lasers to work? PRAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP?"

Funny 'cause it's true.

Exposition might be like:
She had a pair of 38's tracking me through the entire keying sequence. She also had a nullifying reagent in each hand, ready to splash me with it if I didn't do it right the first time. Funny, sexy and noir. Seasoned with a dash of scientic gibberish. The reagent could be in beakers of milk if the typist is an alien composed not from a carbon base, like all living life on Earth, but from a hydrochloric acid base. It'd be a warm, radiating, bubbling, farting, burping, emitting mess typing away on your keyboard, dripping acidic ichor all over it.

Another setting: The static-filled sky looked like a TV monitor turned to a dead channel as it pissed rain all over downtown.

(That's pure Bill Gibson!)

Every panel should be a one-shot story in itself. This enabled the Golden Age comics to tell big stories in eight pages; whereas today's comics the identical story would take eight issues. No phone conversations or staring contests for two pages. This isn't TV. There's no way in hell comics will ever compete with TV. Hell, most of those Flash MacroMedia's are more interesting to kids, these days, than comics. So why try? We're doomed anyway, right, us comic book collectors? Because cinematic-style panelature is interestingly innovative, that's why. Besides, storyboards are the basis of it all, in the end. Film and TV try to copy the storyboard as closely as possible. Panelature + Framology = The Seen, edited Master Version 2.0.

(I must be insane.)

Each issue we'll take a random walk down Storybook Lane, find the the bar at sexpit@77siliconstip and throw five darts at a list of things on the wall. (We could program a randon event generator with this list but darts are more dangerous.) Then we'll proceed with the evening's fun-filled festivities. Whatever gets skewered on the list gets hammered out in the the story treatment. I'll jam it in there and make it fit even if I have to...I don't know what. What are ya drinkin? Hey, bartender. Hey, man. Looky-heah. How many shots of Tequilla will it take to kill me? Ok, bring 'em here, then take two back. OK?...Sangria, Gran Marinier and pineapple juice? Ok, sounds good, make it a big pitcher. What are you getting? Are you getting shots? Yeah, smartass, I mean B-12 vaccinations. We'll check into a clinic, later.

>

Here's the list:

Abominable Snowman/Bigfoot/Yeti

Amazon Women

Animals

Apes/Gorillas

Author Adaptations (ex. Poe)

"Bad Girl Art"

Baths/Showers

Billiards/Pool Games

Black People

Black Heroes

Bondage

Breaking the 4th Wall

Car/Drag Racing

Cheerleaders

Chess

Christmas

Circus/Carnival

Crossovers

Cross-dressing

Decapitation

Devil/Satan

Dinosaurs

Dismemberment

Dolls

Dragons

Drugs

Errors

Female Heroes

Frankenstein

"Good Girl Art"

Golf

Graveyards

Halloween

Homage/Parody/Plagerism

Horses

Indians

Jack the Ripper

Last Things

Lesbians

Lingerie

Mermaids

Monsters

Mummies

Music Stars

Mythology

Nudity

Out of Character

Pirates

Politically Incorrect

RCMP/Mounties

Religion

Robots

Music Stars

Santa Claus

Slavery/Slaves

Space/SF/Rockets

Spanking

Sports

Swimsuits

TV

Time Machine/Travel

Titanic

Torture

UFO/Flying Saucers

Vampires

Voodoo

Wars

Werewolf

Whipping

Witches/Witchcraft

Zombies

This is, actually, a list developed by Doug Sulipa (Comic World) of actively collected comic book art & story themes.
I call it the "STUKAS OVER BEDROCK COMIC MARKETPLACE REPORT" because I like the name of that seminal L. A. punk band of the Eighties.

Could be another "Thriller" by DC if I continue to fill up these blank white spaces on my computer with, ALMOST, anything I care to focus on. Nice fit for Vertigo or DC's version of Statix. Or not. I need a sympathetic editor. Or a collaborater to get me over the times when I'm not properly motivated.

I still haven't even considered who and what is the protagonist as well as the romantic interest or the any of the three "Versus'", i. e. Man vs. Nature, Man vs. Man and Man, vs. Self. I don't want to pick a hero from this Rogues Gallery. Maybe an anti-hero but there's definitly not much to work with, Real-American-Hero-wise, yet. I've gotta figure in a moderate Arab somewhere. No need to demonize them. Dosen't help, that's for sure. Besides, terrorists are cliche. Hand them their hats and go in the opposite direction of Frank Miller, who's all set to return to the thrilling days of yesteryear when comics were a tool of war propoganda to enflame the hearts of young men and boys and harden them so that the killing would be easier on their conscience. It's not killing terrorists I have a problem with: it's using too big a brush, say, a paint roller, when a Dipson # 4 would suffice, to incorrectly paint a picture that includes moderate Arabs, (which, I assume, are like Nixon's "Silent Majority") with terrorists. It's hard. Sure, lay waste to the terrorists, but how about what's more important: a leg up for the Mods. Don't kick 'em while they're down.